This week, we are taking a deep dive into the command that God gave His people in Exodus 20, “You must not covet…” (verse 17). At this point in our study, it would be helpful for us to make sure we have a good definition for the word “covet.” After all, covet is not a word that is often used in our vocabulary. The Oxford Dictionary defines covet as to “yearn to possess or have (something).” This definition helps us to see that we all have coveted at some point. We have all looked at something someone else had and desperately wanted it. Living this way does not serve us. In fact, covetousness, or envy, only makes our lives worse. One of the negative ways that it impacts us is that it destroys our relationships.
James helps us to understand the negative impact that coveting and envy have on our relationships in James 4, where he begins the chapter by asking His readers a question, "What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?" (verse 1). He then explained to his readers that these quarrels and fights came from "the evil desires at war within [them]" (verse 1). These "evil desires" are the feelings of envy or covetousness that arise when we start comparing ourselves to the people around us and wanting what they have. That is why James continued writing by explaining how these "evil desires at war within [us]" work. He wrote, "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it" (verse 2). This is another way of saying that envy causes us to do whatever we can to get what we want, even at the expense of others. James continued writing about the devastating impact of coveting, saying, "You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them" (verse 2). This wording from James sounds extreme, but it is exactly what envy causes. We will work so hard to get what we want that it is at the expense of others. Indeed, envy destroys relationships.
Whether you realize it or not, any envy you have is impacting your relationships for the worse. Envy is causing you to feel jealous and unable to celebrate with others over the gifts God has given them. It might be causing you to compete with others. Maybe envy is even causing you to try to take away the thing that someone else has so that you can have it for yourself. This is no way to live. Instead of this lifestyle of jealousy and competing out of envy, James offers us a different alternative: ask God for it with the right motives. Instead of comparing and becoming envious, we can pray. This does not mean God will give us everything we want, but it is a reminder that God gives each one of us what we need. If He has not given it to us, we don’t need it. Stop comparing the gifts God has given others with the gifts He has given you. Celebrate with those the gifts God has given them, and trust Him to take care of you, too.
What friend have you been feeling envious of? Make time today to celebrate with them, recognizing the way that God has gifted them and taken care of them. Celebration might look like asking to see their new house and genuinely celebrating with them as they show you each room. It might look like sending a congratulations text or card. Whatever celebration looks like for you, make room to celebrate with them today instead of giving in to comparison and envy.
1What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.
4 You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. 5 Do you think the Scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the spirit he has placed within us should be faithful to him. 6 And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say,
“God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”
7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9 Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.
11 Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. 12 God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?
13 Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” 14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil.
17 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.
