Sex Talk: Week 1

DEVOTIONAL

A while back I went hiking with some friends, who were all much better at it than me. We picked this trail up by Santa Fe, packed up into the car and headed out there. Now I was expecting a pretty chill hike. Some pretty trees, nice weather, a good view at the end, it would be great. At first that’s how it was! We were having a good time, the trail was super easy, I was feeling good. Then all of a sudden we come to this very steep incline that is covered in rocks. I thought we’re definitely not going up that way, I was wrong. So we start climbing up this hill navigating all these rocks, I am tripping, I am out of breath. It’s rough. But we make it up that hill and we keep going. Again things are good for a while until all of a sudden it starts to rain. Not a little drizzle either, a lot of rain. It was coming down in buckets and it was freezing. We were hiding under tree branches just to keep warm. For a while we tried to wait it out but it started to get late and we realized if we waited for the rain we were gonna be stuck on that trail all night. I remember us racing down the trail soaking wet, tripping and slipping in the mud. It was a mess!

What I thought was gonna be a light casual hike, turned into something much more serious really fast. This weekend we learned that we often treat dating and sex the same way. We think it’s all fun and casual, no big deal but in reality

Sex is serious.

A lot of us or a lot of our friends are walking around acting like sex is not that big of a deal. We can do whatever we want with whoever we want and it won’t hurt us. That’s what tik tok says, and the kids at school, and all the movies. They all say sex is casual, stop making it such a big deal!

Meanwhile everyone is walking around covered in scars that were inflicted by casual sex. So you go to the next hookup, or the next girl you make you with or the next video you watch hoping it will take the pain away. And it probably does for a minute. We forget about the shame or the heartache. But that doesn’t last. The pain always comes back. We keep ripening these wounds and wondering why our scars aren't healing.

The Corinthians had a similar issue. We talked about it this weekend. They thought they could do whatever they wanted when it comes to sex and they were doing a lot of damage. So here’s what Paul says to them.

"Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:15-20 NLT)

Paul is trying to get the Corinthians to understand how badly this casual sex is hurting them. Sexual sin isn’t like lying or gossip where it mainly hurts the other person involved. Sexual sin is unique in that the most damage it does is to yourself. The most pain caused is the pain you feel.

This is why this matters to God. We tend to think that the Bible is against casual sex because God just wants to boss us around. But that’s not the case. The truth is God created sex to be enjoyed in marriage. But he knows that when it is taken out of that context, it can cause so much pain and He wants to protect you from that pain.

I am not saying all of this to shame you because the reality is, this is an everyone problem. Everyone on some level or another has struggled with the temptations of lust and been hurt by it. Everyone has felt shame and guilt and regret from those choices. If you haven’t great, let's keep it that way. I want you to know you are not alone in your struggle and if you have given in to sexual immorality just know you are not less than because of it. God is not looking down on you in shame and neither are we. We are having these conversations because we want everyone to understand why this is so important.

If you feel like you are covered in scars right now and you just keep reopening those old wounds. Today could be the day that changes. Talk to your small group or a pastor, ask for prayer and help from your people. It is not too late to start taking sex seriously and protecting yourself.

BREAK THE ICE

If you had to go backpacking but you could only bring 3 things with you. What would you bring?

*note for the group leader* This topic is very sensitive and personal. There is a lot of heartache and shame associated with sexuality and dating. The last thing we want to do is add to those feelings. The goal of this conversation is to give everyone a safe space to process and begin to understand what the Bible says about sex. It can also be an opportunity for your group to get accountability and prayer in this area if they want it. Let them know the group is open for discussion and confession but no one is required to share anything they aren’t comfortable sharing.

SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS 

1. Based on the way we were raised, the schools we went to, friends we grew up around we may all have very different views on sex and dating. How would you describe your view of sex before we started talking about it this week? Would you say you viewed it as something more casual, not really a big deal, or was it something you took seriously?

a. Why do you think you view it that way?

2. Do you think sex is a bad thing? Why or Why not?

a. Sex is actually a good thing created by a loving God BUT when it is not used in the way God created it to be used it can cause a lot of harm. 

3. Let’s all read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 together. As we read I want you to take note of the words and things that stuck out to you.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20
12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” 17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. 18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

a. What stuck out to you from Paul’s discussion on sexual immorality? *take some time to discuss everyone’s questions and things that stuck out to them* 

4. Read verse 18. Can someone tell me what that means?

18 "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body."

5. If Paul is saying sexual immorality is a sin against one’s own body, what are some of the consequences we experience when we treat sex casually?

6. If you have experienced feelings of shame, heartbreak, or regret or if you have seen someone you know go through those feelings from sexual experiences, raise your hand. 

a. Do you think God wants us to experience that? 

b. What should we do with those feelings to find freedom and healing from them? 

1. Confess them to God, seek prayer and counseling, seek accountability, ask God to remind us of his forgiveness, etc. 

MOVING FORWARD

God wants to protect us from the consequences of casual sex. A lot of times we miss out on that protection because we don’t even know what the Bible has to say about it. This week challenge your group to study, 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, James 5:16, 1 John 1:9 and Romans 8:1. Tell them to take notes on what the Bible teaches about sexuality and what the Bible teaches about forgiveness. If they are struggling with shame from past choices or sin habits they are stuck in, encourage them to do what those verses say and hold on to the fact that God is quick to forgive us when we mess up. Take some time to pray together.